By Kevin Carson
Christmas is full of blessings and pressures. The blessings: spending time with family, enjoying wonderful seasonal food (especially Grandma’s), the desserts, wassail, custard, decorations everywhere, plus all the Christmas music. The pressures: the Christmas list, shopping, finances. Did I mention the Christmas list? What do you buy? Certainly the commercial-makers on TV have an idea of the best gift (and they will double the offer if you order it within 30 minutes). So do the pop-up ads on the internet. Oh yeah, so do the conversations out in the foyer or during choir practice at church. Plus those subtle hints slipped into conversations. And those not-so-subtle hints — some children have been making a list since December 26!
Where does that leave you as the gift-giver, besides possibly stressed-out and hopefully not hating the entire gift-giving opportunity? The goal of this article is to provide you helpful wisdom principles from Proverbs to aid you in choosing the best gifts for everyone on your list this Christmas. Before you skim the rest of the article looking for specific items to purchase, don’t be disappointed if there are no specific gifts mentioned (you can go to my web page for that — free shipping if you do so in the next 30 minutes! — not really). The idea is not to tell you what is a good or bad, right or wrong, the perfect or imperfect gift. Instead, this article will provide you specific wisdom principles through which to consider your entire gift selection. Because there are multiple wisdom principles, please be aware that not every gift will fit each category perfectly. However, the categories will at least help get you on the path of wisdom as you seek to buy, make, or somehow provide the best gifts for those on your list — and we won’t even consider if the gift-receiver has been good or bad this year (I often fail that one).
The Perfect Gift-Giver
Before we consider the perfect gift, it is important to consider the perfect gift-giver. There is no better example of the perfect gift-giver than God in James 1:17. James writes, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.” James provides us with several principles about the gift-giver that we should carefully ponder before the specific gifts themselves.
First, the character of the gift-giver makes the gift what it is. God provides every gift in a manner consistent with his character. The idea in this verse is that every gift God gives represents who He is. The gift itself is a visible representation of God to us. Therefore, since God does not change (no variation), God never wastes a gift; it is always an extension of who He is.
Secondly, every gift is given with the gift-receiver in mind. God, who does not sin, can only give good and perfect gifts. In other words, God’s gifts always are appropriate to where the receiver is in life. God provides gifts in the perfect timing, in the perfect amount, in the perfect manner, and to the appropriate person. As the gift-receiver, you can trust the gift because you know the Gift-Giver and His perfect manner of giving gifts. When you receive something from God, you know that God has specifically and purposefully given you the gift you have received, because He can only do what is consistent with who He is. So every gift from God then is both for our good and ultimately for His glory.
Finally, every gift is given with the proper motivation. As such, every gift provided to us from God is an expression of His love. Jesus Christ, whose birth we celebrate at Christmas, is the greatest example of the perfect gift from God. At an incredible expense, God lovingly sent Jesus to provide the gift of salvation for mankind through Jesus’ sinless life, sacrificial death, and glorious resurrection. Paul writes, “…but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord” (Romans 6:23). Paul also comments about God’s gift of Jesus, “For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him” (2 Corinthians 5:21). Jesus said to Zacchaeus, “…for the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost” (Luke 19:10).
There are several questions then for you to consider before you buy your first gift. How are you doing with your character? Do you see your gifts as representations of who you are and what you value as a person? Do you consistently choose gifts with the good of the gift-receiver in mind — a gift that is best for the receiver’s life situation? Do you consistently choose gifts with the glory of God in mind? What about your motivation for giving gifts? Are you motivated by love for the gift-receiver and God or some other false motivation like fear of man, or opportunity for reputation-building, or hope of a gift in return, or craving the love of the gift-receiver, or some other variation of a less-than-pure heart? Certainly, we do not want to allow the pressure of our Christmas list to encourage us to miss what should be our primary concern — our own part in the gift-giving process before God and others.
Principles for Wise Gift-Giving
The book of Proverbs contains wisdom principles through which the Christian can better live life pleasing to God. Essentially, wisdom is the ability to apply what the Bible says in a manner consistent with what the Bible means in a particular life situation. You are considered a wise person when you do this on a regular basis. A decision is said to be a wise decision when it appropriately applies Scripture in a particular circumstance in a way that honors God. As such, wisdom is broad and a bit ambiguous on purpose. Solomon does not seek to give you every answer in a specific verse (like a verse on gift-giving to mothers-in-law, although that would have been helpful to many I’m sure). Instead, wisdom gives you a lens through which you can consider the gifts you give. Therefore, the following eight principles will provide you with a lens through which to contemplate what the best gift is, to a particular person, in a specific life context.
In addition, this is a beginning study. Not every verse that could be considered will be considered; however, this should get you going and provide you a context for additional study and contemplation. Please take the time to open your Bibles and read the verses that apply to every principle. Space does not allow an explication of each verse.
Principle One: The gift encourages growth — including spiritual growth, wisdom, intellect, and emotion (Proverbs 1:2-9; 8:13; 9:10; 10:27; 11:16; 15:33; 16:6; 19:1, 23; 22:1; 25:28). Solomon’s concern was that his son would grow into a well-rounded individual. This individual would have both the knowledge and skill necessary to live life pleasing God and being a benefit to others. The process of growth, then, for Solomon is multifaceted and begins with wisdom. Essential to wisdom is knowing the fear of the Lord and learning to receive instruction. Therefore, it is helpful anytime you can give a gift that encourages growth. The question to ask is: how does this gift encourage the receiver to grow as a well-rounded, God-fearing person?
Principle Two: The gift exalts godly values (Proverbs 1:10-18; 2:11-15; 3:29-31; 4:14-18; 12:20-21; 13:11; 16:29; 24:17). In today’s society, it is increasingly harder to find and enjoy entertainment that promotes godly values. However, Solomon emphasizes the necessity of training your mind to love what is right and good and not what is deceiving, ill-willed, evil, or wicked. He wanted his son to know the dangers of loving what is not God-honoring and neighbor-respecting. The question to ask is: Does this gift promote God, godliness, and love of neighbor? Or does this gift exalt sin against others, blur lines of morality, or glamorize unwise living?
Principle Three: The gift promotes Bible memory and application (Proverbs 3:1-8). Solomon understood that a long and full life were only possible if the child would not let mercy or truth forsake him. The way Solomon presents the concept is two-fold: the teachings are to not only become a lifestyle; they are to become the child’s very nature. The benefits of such living are that you learn to acknowledge God in daily living and God makes your path straight. Receiving these benefits is contingent on knowing and applying God’s Word. The question to ask then is: In what ways does this gift promote learning and applying God’s Word to life?
Principle Four: The gift engenders time with parents and other godly people (Proverbs 4:1-13; 19:20; 22:17-21; 23:12, 19). Often, the very gift given minimizes the interaction between the giver and receiver. It is interesting that parents often complain about children who do not engage in conversation around the home; yet, the same parent will give a gift that discourages time spent together. Many gifts are so engaging that the receiver struggles to interact with the world around him because of the necessity of concentration and time required by the gift. In that regard, Solomon reminds us that it is essential to spend time with godly parents and friends in order to receive the benefits of wisdom. Strive to be creative and come up with gifts that encourage time together. The question to ask here is: Does this gift engender time with others (parents, grandparents, other godly influencers)? Or does this gift take time, energy, and focus away from such interactions?
Principle Five: The gift reinforces sexual morality (Proverbs 5:1-20; 6:20-35; 7:6-27). When Solomon warns about the path and power of immorality, you wonder how close his culture must have been to ours. I think this is an essential principle to consider in gift-giving. Solomon says that staying pure and not falling prey to the dripping lips of an adulterous woman is so important that the son should not even get on her sidewalk. Yet, seemingly believers struggle saying no to some gifts that a child may want that contain sexually explicit conduct, innuendos, or other “parts” that are on the path. Some parents innocently have failed to consider what may be involved, what is encouraged, or if the gift helps the child get on the wrong path to make provision for the flesh. The question to ask is: Does anything about this gift minimize the power and necessity of purity or the dangers and seduction of sexual impurity and lust?
Principle Six: The gift fosters a stewardship of time and/or work, rather than laziness (Proverbs 6:6-11; 10:26; 12:11, 24; 15:19; 19:15; 20:4; 24:30-34; 26:14-16). The transition over the past 100 years from farms to cities, from outside to inside, from walking to driving, and from activity to inactivity makes this goal that much more important. Solomon’s concern is that the lazy person ruins his life, all the while thinking he is wise. Therefore, in spite of the natural, cultural flow toward inactivity, the wise gift-giver will consider how his gift will encourage or discourage laziness. The question to ask is: In what ways does this gift spur activity, encourage movement, or promote action rather than making the road smooth toward laziness?
Principle Seven: The gift builds gratitude, discipline, service to others rather than self-centered pleasure (Proverbs 16:8, 16; 17:1; 21:17; 27:20; 28:16, 27; 29:7; 30:7-9). This is an important principle to consider because every person’s sin nature naturally promotes and accentuates self-centeredness. Unless diligence is made to the contrary, the natural tendency is to live life in regard to self and not others. Solomon is concerned that the wise person learn gratitude (being thankful for what God has given and others have supplied), be disciplined (learning to say no to the self-indulgence of the flesh, temperance), and live a life of service to others. Some parents will say, “But my child is always primarily concerned about himself or herself.” Yes. However, the gift still does not have to encourage self-centeredness or a lack of discipline or discontentment. The question to ask is: Does this gift promote a growing engagement with others, a diligent lifestyle, a sacrificial service to others? Or does this gift in fact minimize those same things?
Principle Eight: The gift fulfills a purpose or fits a real need rather than what others’ have or is most popular (Proverbs 14:21, 22, 31; 23:17; 24:19-20; 28:16, 21; 29:25). It is so easy to make part of the consideration process of the gift you choose to give “what another person has,” rather than what is needed. With children who are in school, it is easy for the parents to want to provide for their child in similar ways to that of other parents who have children in the same class. It is a natural way of life for many to compare piles of stuff to see who comes out the best and biggest. However, Solomon warns against these temptations and suggests that the wise gift-giver considers what is best for the person receiving the gift, based on need, rather than what the neighbor has or might think. Furthermore, a concern for the poor and underprivileged should tend to temper what is desired or even provided. The question to ask is: In what ways does this gift fulfill legitimate need? Or is this gift just a “want” because someone else has it or it is most popular?
Putting It All Together
So your son Michael is eight years old and has asked for a number of things for Christmas. You and your spouse are trying to decide what would be a wise gift. The item you are considering is a toy rocket that requires assembly (age-appropriate according to the box of course). Is this a wise choice?
First, the gift-giver. You consider your own heart and recognize that although you don’t necessarily enjoy rockets, this gift is appropriate to the age-level, is something your son wants, and would be for the boy’s good. And in light of the fact you don’t enjoy rockets, it also speaks to putting your love for your child before your own love of self.
Now, the gift. Principle One: The gift encourages growth. Yes, this gift will help your son at least understand science better and give him the opportunity to think through the project of building the rocket. It also allows for interaction between the parent and son as to the glory of God in science.
Principle Two: The gift exalts godly values. This gift does not exalt sin against others, blur lines of morality, or glamorize unwise living. It can be used with guided conversation to consider God, His control, and His universe.
Principle Three: The gift promotes Bible memory and application. Not applicable to this gift.
Principle Four: The gift engenders time with parents and other godly people. Certainly this gift will provide opportunity for the parent and son to put the gift together. Additionally, it will require parental guidance when using it. So, there should be plenty of time spent together enjoying this gift.
Principle Five: The gift reinforces sexual morality. Not applicable to this gift. However, since it encourages time spent with parents, there are opportunities for meaningful conversation (and that is similar to the Bible memory and application above).
Principle Six: The gift fosters a stewardship of time and/or work, rather than laziness. Yes, this gift will require work to enjoy it. Between ‘take-offs’ it will require additional effort and time. This should, in fact, be helpful here.
Principle Seven: The gift builds gratitude, discipline, service to others rather than self-centered pleasure. It may build better discipline. Certainly with conversation, the child can be taught to have more gratitude for the parent’s time and attention.
Principle Eight: The gift fulfills a purpose or fits a real need rather than what others’ have or is most popular. I think it fits this principle as well. This gift provides for meaningful conversation with the parents, promotes time spent together, teaches age-appropriate science lessons, enables the parents to point the child to the God of the universe and space, and requires discipline for it to continue to operate.
So is it a wise choice? I would say yes.
Enjoy shopping your Christmas list
Christmas shopping does not have to be an overwhelming task. In fact, this Christmas as you apply biblical principles, you may find it more enjoyable to give than to receive, since you will be giving with a clear purpose and defined goals. With a careful eye to your own heart and with wisdom principles in hand, go enjoy the meditation of the Scripture, the conversations with family, and shopping. (By the way, I hope that was not you in the red minivan at 5:00 a.m. at the mall the day after Thanksgiving — if it was, please forgive me.)
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